Mood Swings

I'm a monkey on a trapeze :P crazy high to crazy low but thankfully, Alhamdulilah I've got a sturdy safety net... Some nights, I'm lying in bed giggling hysterically at 1:00am and sometimes, I've got tears leaking out of my eyes... When I told my mom, she goes, you drank too much water at dinner :P

Yesterday, I went to get my wedding jewelry. Inshalah, I'm going to wear my mom's wedding set (the one my paternal grandmother gave her when she got married). It's shiny gold with emeralds and very traditional and nazuk... I got all teary-eyed when my mom made me put it on and model it for her... She wore the same set 25 years ago on her wedding :").

I'd been looking for a word to describe what I'm feeling these days and I think I finally found it...

Surreal: marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream

My Baby Sister

is 11 years younger than I am and I will miss her more than anyone once I leave home... At night, she tells me about her trials and tribulations in seventh grade at KGS and we giggle hysterically or we'll put on Bad Romance or Soul Sister and groove at 1:00 am :")

Dear Sis,

I know I'm mean sometimes, like when I evict you from my room when talking to Mr. F or when I push you away when you're hugging me and making icky kissing noises to irritate me. But I just want you to know that you'll be my only real blood sister and absolutely no one will ever take your place. You're the only one whom I am totally comfortable/un-self-conscious with and Inshalah I hope I will always be there for you and especially when you get your O'Levels results, when you attend your school farewell, inshalah when you leave for college and when you go on your first date :)

Thank you so much for your unconditional love, for making me brownies and for getting me flowers (when there was no Mr. F to do it) and for putting up with my moods.

Lots and lots and lots of love,

Your big sis.

Rickshaw Diaries

I used to follow Baraka and then it just made me really sad, so I stopped. She's having a baby!!! :)

*tears of happiness*

Isn't it Ironic?

Some of my friends from Abu Dhabi and Dubai wanted to come to my wedding in July. I just checked the website and it says that the processing time for a Pakistani visa is 12 weeks! (12 weeks?!). Some of them may not be able to make it :'(

I'm going through a really weird phase right now. It's like I'm not sure if I want to get married any more :S. Mr. F's being extra extra nice and very patient but I'm just being mean :P. I can't help it! I feel like my life will change forever after I'm married and I don't feel ready to let go... Like, I won't be able to travel alone and I don't like sharing and I'm such a private person as it is... Plus, I have to be all grown-up and responsible with lots of nephews and nieces (some of them are my age... yikes!). I'm going to turn into a fat desi aunty :(

If I could go back in time, I'd pick 2004 and stick with it... an idealistic freshman in college enjoying my new-found freedom in the US *sigh*.

Plan for the weekend: watching "It's Complicated" with my girlfriends... if the bijli doesn't ruin it :P

Have a great weekend!

Allama Iqbal

Hua hai go tand-o-tez lekin charagh apna jala raha hai

woh mard-o-derwesh jiss to haq ne diyay hain andaaz-o-khusrwanah

Adults Only

Dear People who stop by this blog,

I have a question of an ummm sensitive nature... Does the idea of being married/in-a-physical-relationship freak you out?

P.S. This is directed to those who generally have zero to limited prior "experience"

P.P.S. Keep it clean :P

I'm sitting in my office cubicle sipping mango Splash dreaming of times when I could just walk to the Wa at 2:00 am and buy Haagen Daaz or Ben Jerrys and finish the entire carton all by myself.

I'm missing a lot of people right now. My best friend forever can't come to my wedding because she's in the UK finishing up a Masters :'(. Another group of Pton buddies is meeting up in Dubai and I won't be there... *sigh* ash-uru-bil-huzn...

The weather's turned hot again. Add daily 4-hour power breakdowns to the equation and you have a sad, Gaia. On the bright side, at least I have ac in the office :). My boss is stuck in Germany thanks to the volcano... a gentle reminder that the All-Powerful Being is All-Powerful and we are all just menial creatures...

In other news, Americans are too fat to fight.

And it gets more complicated...

Mr. F wants me to visit Lahore and "meet the fam" but it's not "the done thing" in our family. The inevitable clash of cultures follows... sigh.

I'm tired of trying to keep both sides happy and seeing my parents upset makes me want to cry :'(

I need to figure out a way to make friends in Lahore so when I want to get away from the fam (and I will want to take a break every once in a while) I'll have a getaway...

I saw Ali Zafar in concert this past Saturday... he's soooo cute :)

I hit a tree :P

So this morning, I took a nice cooling shower and got ready for work. Then, I made myself a cheese sandwich to munch in the car. My mom had gotten me driving gloves so my hands didn't get sunburned (yes, we're shallow like that :P). So I tried putting them on, slowly coasting along the road while munching my cheese sandwich... Bad idea :P

My hands slipped on the steering wheel, I hit a tree and drove the car up the curb and to top it off, I hit the accelerator instead of the brake and smashed the windshield. Alhamdulillah, I was ok but the car is not :'(

I now have a bruise on my cheekbone... looks like someone punched me :P. Poor Mr. F will get the flack...

Anyway, so this incident got me thinking how it could've been so much worse and how I tend to take so much for granted... So, dear God, please forgive me if I've sounded ungrateful and thank you for everything.

Rant

Why are relationships soooo complicated?! I think I offended Mr. F yesterday and now we're ignoring each other... and we're supposed to be in a meeting together in half an hour :P.

I feel like I'm slowly being split into pieces to be distributed among my parents, siblings, in-laws, bosses, friends and of course Mr. F... it's hard to keep everyone happy!

Performance Appraisal

Six months after I started work at a famous Pakistani conglomerate, I got my first performance appraisal. My supervisor closed the door and turned to face me with a somber expression. "I've made girls cry" he says. I look back, deadpan wondering what's coming.

We talked about life, leadership and cats... yes, cats. He basically said, "You're a cat, sitting in front of a mirror... you see a lion, but the people walking behind you see a mouse." Yeah, that was my appraisal :"P. He also said I reminded him of Mother Teresa... :O

Anyway, this whole relationship thing is stressful... I was a such a happy-go-lucky kid, living life for myself, independent, bold, daring... I actually have to start caring about someone else now and how my attitude affects him :P. But he's been chill so far, alhamdulilah... lol.

I wonder if I'd make a good trophy wife with a sugar daddy husband... so shallow... astaghfirullah :P

Work Life

I've got my annual performance appraisal today... Praying it goes well Inshallah. My supervisor asked me to highlight my accomplishments over the last 6 months... Ummm, yeah, I would if I felt like I had actually accomplished anything (besides finding a husband and improving my Urdu and becoming up-to-date on Pakistani fashion :P).

Mr. F has taken to calling me at work... He sits ten feet away but we try to maintain office decorum and so continue to ignore one another at work but every time he dials my extension and I pick up the phone, the whole office suddenly goes quiet trying to listen in. The uncles (men over 50) are especially interested in the office romance, so much so that the one who sits behind me told his client to call back later so he could enjoy the show... LOL!

Yesterday, I walked in at 9:00 am to find a box of Ferrero rocher on my desk and it made me go "awwwwwww". Lol, I think I'm falling for the guy. Someone also got me an Iqbal calendar and I quote:

Shahadat hai matloob o maqsood o momin

Nah mal-e-ghaneemant, nah kishwar-e-kushaai

Anyone care to translate :) ?

Overheard at Farzana Lace Center

My mom and I were out shopping for lace when another lady walks in and asks the guy at the counter, "Bhai, aap ke paas silver balls hain?" (Do you have silver balls?). My mom caught my eye and we ended up giggling so hard, we had to run back to the car to recover...