Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Petty Issues

Since I'm slightly in shock and don't quite know how to go about these things, I might as well free my mind here... Mr. F is refusing to talk to my parents and things are blowing waaaaayyy out of proportion. To put it mildly, I don't think that's a good sign.

Everyone in my family's going ballistic, but I am strangely calm :O.

Dear God, please help me out here... thank you.


  1. Over freaking dowry. What the hell?

    Aren't they already happy that they're getting a foreign educated gal in the first place?

    Complete bullshit.

    This doesn't bode well for the kind of family that you are marrying into. .

    Just give him a fiver and tell him get over it. He's getting a marriage partner, not a cash cow.

  2. u deserve better!

  3. Dear Gaia, I've been following your blog for a while and enjoy reading your thoughts and reflections and am commenting for the first time. I am so sorry you are going through a tough time right now. I don't know you personally, but being a reader of your blog, I do think you are a sweet, intelligent, insightful, and thoughtful person who deserves the bestest. You are the best judge of the situation and I just wanted to say, if you do not like something, please do not be afraid to take a stand and communicate what you want, what is acceptable and unacceptable to you in how this situation/conflict is being dealt with. It sounds like at this point you may be feeling confused, maybe feel caught in the middle and feel uncertain as to what this means for your relationship? I would say think about how all of this makes you feel, what you like, what you don’t like, what values are important to you in a relationship and assert these to Mr.F. You have a right to your thoughts and feelings and a right to stand up for them and hopefully Mr. F is someone who can support you in that. Both of you are going to build a life together based on shared values and supporting one another. Conflicts happen in any relationship, but being able to communicate calmly and with respect, willingness to understand points of view without shutting people down are good and important qualities to have. Demanding jahez and refusing to talk to one’s parents are red flags to me for future behavior. I don’t know if any of this fits for you but I do hope things get better soon and work out for the best inshAllah.

  4. Wow... thank you all so much for your input. Mr.F said he's fine with no jahez even though that's the custom in his family *whew*

    Waiting for the other issues to work out... keep praying for me... thanks!