Loss

I know I haven't written for a looooong time. I was just too busy caught up in the daily grind. Mr. F's traveling for work and his sister's here to provide backup support and watch Baby M while I'm in class. He's been gone for three weeks already and I'm rather overwhelmed trying to get my assignments done while managing groceries, trash, housecleaning and taking care of Baby M. Sometimes, I just want to curl up in bed with a good book and mug of steaming hot chocolate and lose myself in the world of fantasy... sigh.

So last week was full of highs and lows. I was experiencing shortness of breath and a heavy, nauseous feeling and also feeling really really tired, so I went to the health center and took a pregnancy test. On Tuesday afternoon on the way back from class, I started experiencing spotting and slight bleeding and thought I was just experiencing a late period. On Thursday, I got a call from the doctor informing me of a positive test. Turns out I was almost 6 weeks along! 

The bleeding and cramping got progressively worse that night and I guess the hormonal fluctuations were making me sad and tearful. Went for an ultrasound in the morning and it was "consistent with an early miscarriage." In retrospect, I probably should have taken it easy instead of walking 4 miles every day and trying to get everything done but it's too late now... "Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return"

The baby would have been due on December 6th. I'll probably remember that date for a while...

It's funny how the life works. My SIL whom I wasn't close to at all was the one who was there for me when I needed someone by my side, not my mom, not my husband, not my best friend. Funny how tragedies can turn strangers into friends..

“There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.”   

Pakistani In-Laws: Tact vs. Confrontation

We went to Pakistan for winter break and it was good to see everyone again, gorge on yummy food and attend lots of weddings! But one of the down-sides was having to "save" Baby M from his well-meaning relatives (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) who were bent on spoiling him rotten during the time he was there...

I guess I'm already a somewhat paranoid mom but when I returned from a trip to the grocery store to find that 18 month old Baby M had been taken for a drive with Uncle A sitting in the front seat, without someone holding him, without even a seat belt, my patience wore out. Even when we living in Pakistan, we always put Baby M in a car seat and never ever put him in the front seat. Apart from the fact that it's highly unsafe, it's also illegal.

Mr. F was away so I couldn't ask him to speak to speak to his A, so I asked his sister to call Uncle A and ask him to come back. God forbid, had something happened, I'd never have been able to live with myself... Except, everyone now thinks I'm super-arrogant and I'm also raising a mommy's boy... :p

New Haven Winter Wonderland

My fourth snowstorm this winter... Today, our car got stuck in the snow and we had to use a shovel to get the it out! It's a winter wonderland out there and I;m in love with the fresh, powdery snow coating the trees...

All I want to do is curl up on the couch with a blanket, a cup of hot chocolate and Mr. Darcy :)

Instead, I just put Baby M to bed after changing his diaper, feeding him cough medicine, applying Vicks on his back and chest and reading 'Welcome to the World' five times in a row :-P. Now, I'm working on an Econ problem set... Ahhh, the joys of grad school with a baby :)

Autumn at Yale

Autumn's my favorite time of the year. Here in New England, the leaves began to turn color in October - lime green, bright yellow, rich gold, auburn, crimson, burnt orange, rust and every shade in between these... Subhan Allah, it's so beautiful!

From green at the bottom to gold on top

Fall medley

My parents and sister came to visit for Eid while Mr. F went to Pakistan for three weeks. It was a peaceful, relaxing time towards the end but I couldn't really spend much time with Dad and sis as they were here for only a week because I was in the middle of midterms. I spent my 27th birthday in Harvard Square and met up with some Princeton peeps after a really long time. We had pancakes and waffles at IHOP... yumm!

Baby M and Nano bonded over the time she was here... Mashalah. The grandparent-grandchild relationship is so unique... you get to be a doting parent without having to deal with the meltdowns and tantrums :-P.

Mr. F got me flowers for my birthday and Mum got me some too so I put them together... Since this photograph, the other lilies have bloomed too!

Birthday flowers from Hubby and Mummy

Long Overdue Update - Hello America!

So, a lot has happened between today and my last post. It's breezy outside and I'm munching on honeymaid graham crackers dipped in creamy peanut butter as I type this. Mr. F, Baby M and I moved to New Haven, Connecticut at the end of July. I started a Masters program, Mr. F became a stay at home dad and Baby M continues to be our source of entertainment and joy...

It wasn't easy wrapping up our house and leaving our relatively comfortable, settled life in Karachi but I guess iss mein Allah ki koi behtari thi (God had something better for us). We spent the last month getting settled into our new place. We're back to IKEA for our household furnishing needs (*sigh* I miss my lovely, beautifully carved sheeshan furniture) and I'm wearing my clothes from my undergrad days at Princeton (luckily I still fit into them!). Khaadi kurtas, chooridars and dainty sandals and chappals have been replaced with t-shirts, jeans and sneakers. It's also taken a while to get used to the idea of becoming a student again, with no source of income except for my savings :-S. Princeton, you spoiled me with your love and care and overdose of study breaks with samosas, ice cream, brownies and pizza... I'm cooking full-time now although Mr. F chips in quite a bit and he is usually the more creative cook.

Baby M has started day care 2 days a week when I'v scheduled most of my classes. It used to cost us Rs. 8,000 per month at my old office (full-time, 5 days a week). Here, it costs Rs. 80,000 per month for 2 days a week... so we're paying Rs. 10,000/day for child care... Shabana, I miss thee! And obviously no one can replace the genuine love and affection of the grandparents so Ammi dear, I miss you too!

The move has probably wrought the greatest change in Mr. F. From the snobby, corporate executive who sneered at the very thought of getting his own water, he's become a very hands-on daddy (yes to diaper-changing)/household help (honey, let me do the dishes).

:D