Monday Update

Work's a little slow today... Boss is on leave so I'm basically just finishing up leftover tasks. Inshallah planning to take off at the end of the month and rest at home until baby arrives.

So the printer is situated right behind my cubicle and people keep stopping by to pick up their printouts... It's pretty annoying and I'm not getting any time to blog or check out other blogs :-P

Weekends have been really busy! Went to French Beach last Sunday but it wasn't too pleasant... It was hot, the company was meh and the 2 hour car ride to the beach and back was a killer! Plus, we don't really have decent bathrooms anywhere... I know this country has bigger problems, but if I were in charge of urban infrastructure and planning, I'd make sure there was a rest stop at least every half hour... I'm dreading what it'll be like once baby's here... where am I supposed to change diapers and such?? What do other moms do? Or do they basically not leave their homes until baby's well on the way to potty-training?

I decided to defer Yale for a year... I figured if I try to juggle grad school and a newborn, I probably won't enjoy the experience anyway and I think I'm ready to take some time off and travel and just enjoy life for a while. The past four years have been pretty intense and I haven't taken more than 2 weeks off at a time.

I'm excited, a little apprehensive and a little... wistful? I just hope and pray everything goes smoothly Inshalah...

Karachi Literature Festival 2012

Kudos to Ameena Saiyid for successfully organizing this event for the third year running!

KLF gives Karachiites something to look forward to; a much needed intellectual platform where writers and artists can come together to connect in a safe, open environment. And the best part? It's free and open to all (all ages, genders and socioeconomic classes are welcome although the festival was dominated by the elite aunties in their winter shawls, sarees and designer sunglasses :-P).

I missed William Dalrymple, acclaimed author of White Mughals and The Last Mughal but I managed to sit in Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy's talk which was both edifying and witty...

I'd also like to share that I got 2 rejections... one from Stanford and one from Yale :'(

Guess it's not meant to be but I hope Allah Mian shows me the light soon... I really want to get back to academics (safe option) or do something amazing (not too safe) soon Inshalah.

Love and Envy

Love and envy, they're both extreme versions of the same feeling... just at different ends of the spectrum. They're both obsessive emotions and they both have the ability to destroy someone if allowed to rule unchecked. Of course, some will argue, true love is pure and unselfish, it doesn't engender envy...

I simply don't think that's true...

The Rise of the New Groupthink

And just when I was trying to become Ms. Popular, this: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/15/opinion/sunday/the-rise-of-the-new-groupthink.html

How to be an Extrovert

So my feedback from my boss during the annual appraisal was that I need to be more loud and assertive. I wish I didn't have to change my core personality but I guess that's one of the requirements of the job :-p

So, how does someone like myself, an introvert at heart turn into an extrovert? I decided to google it, and found the following:

"Extroversion is the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self. If you want to get more gratification from the world around you, here's how."

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-an-Extrovert

- Give yourself permission to act without reflecting beforehand (No, really! They might just fire me :-p)

- Notice people. Try to get them to smile back at you. Greet people, even strangers (Yeah, whenever I do that, I get hit on... by uncles, security guards, salesmen... even other colleagues... I'm cool with aunties though :))

- Engage people in conversation whenever possible. Keep the conversation chatty, focusing on the first thing you notice: "I like your shirt," "Where did you get that haircut?" or "It sure is cold today! (So, I go up to my boss and say, "I like your shirt!"... ummm, how is that professional?! p.s. I actually do know a couple of "extroverts" who actually say stuff like that to the boss :-p)

- Try to get other people to notice you. If they don't, keep talking until they do, or find someone else to talk to. Don't analyze your conversations; just move on to the next one (See above)

Warnings:

• Please don't try too hard. Go at your own pace and don't try to change yourself and be a completely different person, because that is impossible.
• If you are naturally very introverted, efforts to be extroverted all the time may leave you exhausted and unfulfilled.

Okay then!

I like this one's take:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/09/how-to-go-from-introvert-to-extrovert/

Home Again...

Except, I'm not quite sure where home is any more... I have my "own house" that I reside in with Mr. F but we don't own it, I have my room in my parents house but it's not the house I grew up in; they moved to a new place when I was studying abroad and I never really had the time to make it my own (decorate my bedroom etc.) and then I have my in-laws house in Lahore where the entire family live together and where Mr. F and I have a little room of our own.

These days I'm staying with my parents. I usually do that when Mr. F's away on business trips but I feel rather like a guest sometimes. I bring a suitcase with my clothes for the next few days and my own toothbrush and cosmetics. I sleep on my old bed but it's not just "mine" any more... when I'm not home, my bedroom's the guestroom :-P

Fun Things to do in Karachi

I'm a Karachiite born and bred. I love the fast-paced city life, the traffic, the chaos, the mishmash of people and cultures but sometimes, I yearn for my life abroad. The peace, the security, the independence, the opportunity to travel and explore...

This month, I plan to be a tourist in my city and here's my list of touristy things to do:

- Visit the Mohatta Palace Museum (been meaning to do this for ages!)

- Walk around the Benazir Bhutto Park

- Go to Frere Hall (I went to see Sadeqain's horses in 8th grade; haven't been back since)

- Slide down the marble slides in Hill Park (haven't done that in 18 years!)

- Visit Mumtaz Mahal at Karachi Zoo (FYI: this is a woman with a wolf's body... enough to give you nightmares if you're around 5 and have a moderately active imagination. My dad used to take me as a kid and she'd ask for bakhsheesh... creepy!)

- Drink Pakola (it's been a while :))

- Shop at Empress Market (never been)

- Visit the Somiani Caves

Adieu 2010

Wishing you all a very happy, healthy 2011.

Anecdote:

Murray Dodge is a building in Princeton housing the Office of Religious Life, the Muslim prayer room and a basement cafe serving free cookies from 10:30pm till midnight. I spent many blissful hours in Murray Dodge and for some it kept popping into my mind today... There's a women's toilet on the first floor and it had a hand-written sign that read:

"If you sprinkle while you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat"

:)

December

As December draws to a close, Karachiites are overwhelmed by the frenzy of weddings... Shaadi-hopping is a favorite past-time in a nation where food and clothes are an essential part of culture. Shaadis give us chance to indulge, showing off our latest outfits and eating until our waistbands begin to feel uncomfortably tight.

We had a farewell for our cherished colleague Z today. It was a rather emotional affair... will miss him.

Finally turned in all my grad school applications (third round in as many years). Hoping and praying that I get in somewhere good inshalah...

Have yourself a very Merry Christmas!

cheers!

Casual Relationships

So, I've been having interesting conversations with people (aged 22-32) regarding their views on casual relationships (as opposed to being in a committed relationship). Basically what this entails is getting to know someone for a short-term relationship, sleeping with them and then moving on, no strings attached. The rules of the game are made clear right at the beginning. Most of these people are successful in their careers, make decent money and consider themselves morally righteous. Eventually they would like to settle down with "the one" and live happily ever after, meanwhile there's no harm in having some fun.

My questions to you dear readers are:

1. Would you reveal to your future spouse/significant other that you've ahem... done the rounds?

2. If yes, would you spill the beans pre-engagement? post-marriage?

3. Would you be comfortable with your spouse/significant other having similar experience?

4. Can you still be "friends" with someone after having been bed-buddies?

Case Studies

1. Husband watches tv all evening and ignores wifey. When the electricity goes (hence, no more tv), husband shows up and acts all sweet, attentive and sappy. How should wifey react? Should she welcome husband with open arms and a beaming smile or put on headphones, jack up the volume and pretend not to notice??

2. Wifey makes brownies. Husband can smell them and they smell good! But, husband makes it a point to say brownies are unhealthy doses of unadulterated sugar and fat and wifey should eat healthy food. Husband asks for brownie. How should wifey react? Should she serve him brownie with chocolate sauce and a loving glance or retort " brownies are unhealthy doses of unadulterated sugar and fat and husband should eat healthy food"

Since returning to Pakistan and particularly, to Karachi, my outlook on a lot of issues has changed. I realized I've become callous... not necessarily by choice but by circumstance. A few years ago, a picture could reduce me to tears and I wouldn't be able to sleep for days at a time... Over time, I've become inured to the suffering around me... It sounds awful, yes, but to maintain your sanity it's sometimes necessary to just shut your eyes and take a deep breath.

Last night on the way back from the airport, there was firing at Shahrae Faisal... I thought at first they were crackers until I saw people ducking by the roadside and cars speeding up to avoid being targeted... And then, I realized, it's normal, it's a part of life and it no longer bothers me... A person from, say, Copenhagen would probably be traumatized by the incident but Karachiites... we just accept it and move on. Once upon a time, I used to love this quote:

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." Arundhati Roy

Now I can't seem to relate to it any more :s

Mr. F got me a desktop frame with a picture of himself for my cubicle :P. My boss is grinning from ear to ear (he thinks we should indulge in PDAs at work... heh).

I am now the office "bhabi" (ewwww, I know!). Although I should gracefully accept the fact, it does bother me that my identity is now derived from my husband's... I am now Mrs. F and no longer Ms. Gaia :-S

Inshallah it'll be our two-month anniversary today :) Problem is, I still don't feel married!! It's more like having a boyfriend/roommate... I asked Mr. F and he said it sounds cooler to say, I'm his girlfriend (as opposed to wife :p...)

Yesterday, I was indulging in a bout of nostalgia, remembering a time when the 6th of September was celebrated as a holiday and my brother and I would watch the parade on tv. Sadly, Pakistanis have precious little to celebrate these days...

This Eid, let us resolve

to send what we can

in the form of eidi to those

who are truly in need of it

Past

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. Bringing up the past, especially when it concerns someone you love can be extremely hurtful...

I never thought I'd be the jealous/possessive type :P Guess it all changes when you get married...

It is pretty unfair though. Pakistani society frowns upon girls having "been around" but if a guy were to have a little "experience" it's considered no big deal... After all, boys will be boys and all that jazz.

A friend who'd been engaged for 3 years recently broke it off. I wonder how completely one can recover after being emotionally attached to a person for so long and move on...

T-5

Last day at work before I leave for my official "shaadi break" (inshalah). I think the general cheesiness is rubbing off on me :P

The girls took me to Chatterbox for lunch... sweet :) It's nice being pampered and baby sis gave me a soothing back massage since Apa dear couldn't sleep... Mom and Dad are pretty stressed... I think they need the pampering more than I do...

Mr. F's gone to Lahore to finalize arrangements... he's so stressed out, I actually feel sorry for him...

I'm hoping and praying it doesn't rain on the wedding day and everything goes smoothly inshalah with minimal stress for my mom. And I hope Mr. F starts being nice to my parents :=(

Thoughts on singlehood (singledom?):

- I loved my life :) traveling, studying abroad, earning, spending and saving my own money, eating what I wanted, sleeping when I felt like and wearing what I was comfortable in...

- I loved the fact that I wasn't answerable to anyone except the daily phone call to my parents

*sigh* ? But I'm happy... I think... lol

T-16 days... Inshalah

Alhamdulilah, things are ok so far... Hopefully hopefully, inshalah, the next three weeks will go smoothly without anyone suffering nervous breakdowns (and specially not my mom).

My closets are full and I have barely any space to move around in my room thanks to all the boxes piled up...and I really hope people don't give me random wedding presents.

Mr. F is in Amsterdam while poor ol' Gaia is still at work.... grrr.

So, I still don't feel like I'm actually getting married... I mean, my mom still drops me off to work every day :) and I haven't made real food since 2008... All my aunties are super-excited... they've all bought new outfits for each event... it's cute and funny at the same time (it's like, they're re-living their own weddings) :)

My siblings are dancing to Lady Gaga at the Mehndi :O and my mom and khala picked Dancing Queen :O...

Traditional desi in-laws from Punjab may get a shock...!

Musings

It's becoming increasingly warm in sunny Karachi. But Alhamdulilah, can't complain... at least I have ac at work :).

I was thinking back to a few (several?) years ago when I'd be taking my O'Level and A'Level exams in the scorching heat. Somehow, the heat didn't bother me much at the time, or maybe I was too focused on exams to bother about mundane matters like bijli. We didn't have a generator, so I'd wake up extra early (around 7 am) to study during daylight hours and my mom would make me brownies to keep my energy levels up (yes, I was a pampered kid!).

Sometimes, it scares me when I realize what a comfortable and secure life I've lead so far... I'm the favorite grandchild (*smug grin* lol) and my dad's princess... I don't think Mr. F or the in-laws are going to be as indulgent... Time to grow up :'(

Work is at an interesting stage... the deadlines have been pushed back a couple of months but it looks like I'll be honeymooning alone since Mr. F has to travel for work... I'm not sure how I feel about that :-S

Prenuptial Thoughts

I've been weeping my eyes out in the office bathroom... Mr. F thinks these are "prenuptial jitters" I think I'm just sad :,(

So girls and guys, here's a new situation:

My parents want to fill out the Nikahnama early to avoid last minute drama scenes... Mr. F's family thinks that's just weird and they'd rather do it on D-day. Also, my "uber-progressive" parents are on my case to thoroughly read through the document and be aware of my rights. I personally don't think putting down clauses in my Nikahnama (right to work, right to further education etc.) will protect my rights :P

Also, what's your take on family planning/contraceptives? UnIslamic? Interfering with nature? Horrible side-effects?

Petty Issues

Since I'm slightly in shock and don't quite know how to go about these things, I might as well free my mind here... Mr. F is refusing to talk to my parents and things are blowing waaaaayyy out of proportion. To put it mildly, I don't think that's a good sign.

Everyone in my family's going ballistic, but I am strangely calm :O.

Dear God, please help me out here... thank you.

And the days go by...

A couple of days ago, I fainted for the second time in my life... at the tailor's :P. I mean, one minute I'm standing next to my mom explaining the designs I wanted from the Gul Ahmed magazine, the next, I'm crumpled on the floor with our darzi, Dilawar saying, "Baji ko kya ho gaya hai!" (What happened to Gaia?!). My mom dragged me to the car and drove me home where I promptly threw up...

Sorry, I'll skip the gory details but I was pretty sick for a couple of days. On the bright side, I managed to lose 2 lbs with zero effort :). My lovely sister got me flowers and music to cheer me up... Love you sweetheart <3.>

Shaadi shopping is becoming pretty stressful! And I do think it's a huge waste spending thousands on clothes I probably won't wear more than a couple of times... Honestly, Pakistanis obsess way too much over food and weddings :P.

I still don't feel like I'm actually getting married... Even though we get along well, I'm not totally smitten with Mr. F though he seems to be with me... is that weird? Random question... how long does it take for two people in an arranged marriage to fall in love?