Newly-wed Bliss?

I don't pretend to be on expert on marital relationships but here's what I've learnt so far:

One thing I've realized early on in my marriage is the need to reaffirm my commitment to my husband... every day! The spiritual aspect to marriage is rather helpful in this regard. It's easy to be mean and selfish especially when one is feeling neglected or lonely, resentful or "used" but, at the end of the day if I can go to sleep with a clear conscience, it's well worth the effort. When situations become... *ahem* challenging and I'm yearning for home comforts, it helps to remember that God is always with me and ultimately, I am in control of my happiness... no one can change who I am and it's my choice to be happy or to be miserable.

As trivial as it may sound, dear husband and I come from completely different backgrounds... Case in point: I love Akon; Mr. F listens to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTxZy32Fv_0 :)

But, I'm not going to give up listening to Akon or expect him to listen to him for my sake... I like some me time, when I can be care-free, young Gaia and not be a married aunty.

It also helps to remember and praise the good qualities and ignore the annoying habits of the spouse... after all, he probably ignores a bunch of annoying habits that I have (like scraping his car every now and then and having my hair stuck in the carpet... gross, I know :-P)

Take care of your health. When you're working, traveling, doing the groceries and laundry and testing your emotional boundaries each day, it's easy to succumb to tummy aches and headaches and influenza... A strong immune system and a bit of energy and vitality can work wonders and help you get through the day.

(P.S. Mommy dearest is no longer there to cajole you into taking your medicine and bring you warm milk in bed...)

In an argument, hold your peace... Silence and a hurt look is often as effective as loud, angry words (sometimes, even more) and you'll have the added satisfaction of having kept your dignity. Discuss the issue when both people are more relaxed (preferably after a good dinner and some lovey dovey-ness).

New Phone

My husband bought me the new Nokia E5... Most people would be thrilled, excitedly figuring out the new gadget, pressing buttons, clicking pictures with the 5Mp camera but not I. I left my phone in its original packaging for an entire week until Mr. F returned from Colombo, inserted the battery, charged the phone and gave me a phone tutorial. I now have a bugle alarm that goes off at 5:15am every morning (Fajr time), becoming progressively louder until I'm ready to throw something :-P.

My old phone was an 8-year old legacy from my father; a Motorola which we'd received free with our first Mobilink package. It was sturdy and simple... archaic but dependable even though I had to press down the buttons really hard to type a text message.

I guess new relationships are like that... as awful as it sounds, I sometimes find myself prioritizing my new family over my old. In some ways, my parents who raised me so lovingly have now taken a back seat and the new person in my life has taken over my world. I feel guilty and selfish but I hope I am inshalah able to make it up to them some day... maybe when my own kids will become the light of their lives in their old age?

The other day I was talking to another recently-married girl and she said something that struck a chord, "After marriage, you grow up in one night"... In many ways, I was more independent than a lot of other girls even before I got married but for the past year since returning to Pakistan, I'd gotten used to having my meals prepared by my mom, having my sister chatter about her day at school while I lazed around after coming home from work, having dad drop me off to work in the mornings and pick me up after work, having my brother get me chocolate brownies from Pie in the Sky just because I felt like eating something chocolatey....

Now, I make my own breakfast, do the groceries, get my own brownies and am often alone in the evenings when Mr. F has to stay late at work... sigh

Gratitude

This is a picture of my mom before she got married holding my baby cousin. She was trying to make the baby jealous by kissing the teddy bear but cousin dear was too busy concentrating on the camera :)

I haven't done this in a while, so here goes:

Thank You God for the world so sweet,
Thank You God for the food we eat,
Thank You God for the birds that sing,
Thank You God for everything!

And thank you most of all for a wonderful, supportive, loving family...

Amen

Whirlwind Weekend

On Friday evening, Mr. F and I left work at 5:30 pm to catch the 7 pm flight to Lahore... Luckily for us, there was minimal traffic after the attack on the politician, so we made it to the check-in counter in good time. Landed in Lahore at 8:45 pm, arrived at the family home at 9 and got ready in 20 minutes for Mr. F's friend's Mehndi (complete with heavy eye-makeup and bling jewelry!).

Next morning, I made kheer and zarda... my initiation into household duties. FYI, I don't even like zarda and my mom's never made it, so I wasn't quite sure what "good" zarda was supposed to taste like. Luckily, I'd practiced in advance and my jithanis helped me out, so both the dishes turned out ok (thank you google :-)).

On Sunday morning, Mr. F and I drove to Islamabad for his friend's afternoon Barat. We left at 9:00 am and drove non-stop on GT Road. GT Road or Grand Trunk Road is one of South Asia's oldest roads and connects all the major cities in India and Pakistan. It was built by Sher Shah Suri who designed it in a way that at no point during the drive was the sun directly in our eyes. I wonder what Mrs. Sher Shah Suri was like...

We drove through Gujranwala and passed by factories, fields and orchards... Gujranwala is a dirty little industrial town with an abundance of bananas and donkeys. The rice fields looked beautiful and orange trees were blossoming... lovely!

We reached the hotel at 2:00 pm only to learn that the groom was stuck at a toll gate! So Mr. F and I waited in the hotel lobby for 30 mins until the barat finally walked in. The wedding was segregated, so I sat by myself trying to look busy and then called a couple of friends to catch up... Sadly, none of them answered so I continued talking on the phone, having a pretend conversation :-( (yes, I know it sounds pathetic but that was my only resort in a roomful of aunties speaking a language I don't understand).

Next morning, I had my US visa interview. The officer asked me if I "was putting my education to good use" and that was it! She didn't look at any of my documents! Hopefully, inshalah I'll get it soon... Mr. F got me pizza from Rahat bakery and then we drove back to Lahore, this time on the National Highway listening to bollywood soundtracks :p. Later that evening, I boarded a flight to Karachi, Mr. F hopped on a plane to Colombo and so ended my eventful weekend...

Farewell

My boss is leaving... He'll be moving to ADNOC (Abu Dhabi) next week and I'll be the new section head (just kidding :p). Everyone looked wistful when he made the announcement... almost like a prisoner heading for freedom with the other inmates yearning for their chance to walk out :-p

I'm trying to get my act together and apply to graduate programs for next year. The problem is, I'm just *too* lazy... sigh... Plus, I don't want to risk my entire life savings on grad school and then be a penniless housewife dependent on the husband for pin-money...

I've also realized that people will never be happy. When I was single, everyone was on my case to get me married... Now that I'm married, everyone (except a select few) is concerned about my career and further education plans, not to mention babies and other big-people stuff.

Anyway, beware of conjunctivitis... it's going around and I'm seeing lots of people around me with sunglasses... wash your hands with anti-bacterial soap and don't rub your eyes too much.