Thursday, March 25, 2010

And the days go by...

A couple of days ago, I fainted for the second time in my life... at the tailor's :P. I mean, one minute I'm standing next to my mom explaining the designs I wanted from the Gul Ahmed magazine, the next, I'm crumpled on the floor with our darzi, Dilawar saying, "Baji ko kya ho gaya hai!" (What happened to Gaia?!). My mom dragged me to the car and drove me home where I promptly threw up...

Sorry, I'll skip the gory details but I was pretty sick for a couple of days. On the bright side, I managed to lose 2 lbs with zero effort :). My lovely sister got me flowers and music to cheer me up... Love you sweetheart <3.>

Shaadi shopping is becoming pretty stressful! And I do think it's a huge waste spending thousands on clothes I probably won't wear more than a couple of times... Honestly, Pakistanis obsess way too much over food and weddings :P.

I still don't feel like I'm actually getting married... Even though we get along well, I'm not totally smitten with Mr. F though he seems to be with me... is that weird? Random question... how long does it take for two people in an arranged marriage to fall in love?


  1. OMG, I only wish I could be nazuk like that, hehehe ;-) My mum would be SO PROUD if I fainted while at the darzi or something... I've never been there ;-)

    The Mr.s get smitten pretty fast, don't they? Well, I don't know really how LONG it takes... I know some people who have had arranged marriages and they're happy now, but however your marriage comes about, you have to work at it, you have to fight an uphill battle every single day for the rest of your lives... the trick is doing it together :-) Best of luck!

  2. LOL... How are you getting married and NOT making darzi trips? I mean really, how?! About the getting smitten part... it's not like a high-school crush (not that I had one of those either :P). Maybe I'm just hard(er) to please... lol

  3. Nope, haven't been even ONCE :-D THAT is something.

    That is why the wedding's a week away and I have no shoes for either day. HA HA.

  4. Since you asked the question on a public forum, hence I dare to answer, it varies. It varies a lot and depends upon several factors. Initially you may never know what turns your or his emotional switches on, and in the beginning it may all be purely physical but slowly and gradually you will begun to develop a deeper emotion for one another. That’s when you will miss each other when one is not around. That’s when you realize it more than physical attraction. There is only one thing to remember you or he cannot force emotions so don’t try to rush into things. So it takes time you just have to let yourself go with the flow. Don’t be envious of other who are all over each other and compare your relationship with them or you will make everything miserable. I once got my friend into trouble by bringing flowers for my wife at the airport and he did not bring anything for his wife and they were both coming in the same flight. I thought that it was silly of her but my wife valued this a lot. This was about six months after my marriage and I did this out of tradition probably not love. I had met my wife 6 days before I got married to her. Later I learned that often in a relationship you do things for others and put emotions into it. Don’t rush it or you will spoil it. Slowly and gradually I started to develop what other had from the moment they saw the person they fell in love with. It is different for everyone and culture and religion. Remember because of our cultural and religious obligations we cannot do any of this beforehand so I knew it has to work. And it does. Love is developed slowly and gradually and is extremely deep rooted in this case. It is when you ask yourself will I love this person even if she is ugly and you don’t need to wait for an answer as you know you love her soul.
    Since you are a Muslim so bring the religious angle and try to get the answer. Often people ask “I did not experience any change in me after Hajj”. Does it mean I am not a good Muslim? No slowly and gradually you will feel the difference. If you expect something overnight it’s not going to happen.
    Don’t try to rush into things and don’t compare and expect. Marriage is a lot of sacrifices and compromises to make it work. From your taste in books to movies to general way of living, everything gets tested and altered. Learn to adapt and give and take. Both of you will adapt and learn and Allah will develop the love in your relationship as he promised it.
    Stop being too cautious and enjoy your whole marriage thing. You are missing out on the before part and will probably miss out the during part as you are too sacred of the after part. Enjoy everything and try to engage him in what you want as a couple in the ceremony. (By after I mean after you get married). I am an America Muslim and had the full liberty to “Check things out in any way possible” before hand but I opt to marry a Pakistan girl who was a complete stranger to me (complete arrange marriage by parents and a match maker in six whopping days) and it took me a while but now if you ask me will I marry her again and my answer is YES I would. (I think both us made lot of sacrifices to learn each other)
    I wish you success and happiness and ask Allah to make it work for you. Remember slowly and gradually you will develop it. PEACE

  5. Oh wow, this is such a comprehensive reply. I was writing you an e-mail about it but I came here to find this. This is absolutely the same as my experience with it :-)

    And Gaia- Just like everyone's 'happy' is different... so is everyone's 'love'... :-)

    Stay happy


  6. And Gridlock, thanks a lot for the detailed reply...